You want a party where you can relax and enjoy your mom’s 90^th birthday.  You make sure every detail of that night is memorable and intentional.  You hire a chef for the meal.  But there’s a big storm outside and traffic is overwhelming.  You tell the chef that your guests are going to be an hour late.  Your chef, huffing and puffing is inflexible.  “We must eat now or my food will be ruined!”

Your guests arrive and your ego chef wants it to be all about him.  You spend more time avoiding him or arguing.  You definitely don’t make sudden requests.  Ultimately, it ruins the energy of the evening.

The next day (or even year), when you look back on that moment, you remember equally your mom’s milestone birthday smile and the anger you had.  You insist you’ll never hire anyone again!

You thought this would be smooth.  But in the end it wasn’t.  I’ve been at those types of events or hired those types of people to do work in my house.  The contractor that complained more than worked.  The garden designer who argued with my landscapers and didn’t listen to my wants and needs.

I understand – so here’s the plan

I recommend at the very least, get to know your chef.  Do you click with them?  Would you want this person as a guest at your event?  Will they represent you well?  Are they passionate about their profession?  How do they react when things don’t go as planned?

You want this to reflect on this memory positively – it’s a milestone event

Imagine if it’s like a wedding or if it’s your best friend’s birthday, or an anniversary, whatever the reason for having the event, its important moments, marks in your life that you want to celebrate… to remember.

“ You want your chef to make it a day to remember, not a nightmare.

And it’s even more important if that person is going to be, not just doing some work in your house but now interfacing with your family and your guest, it’s even more important that you click.

You need someone to be adaptable and flexible when plans change

When people show up late, when plans change, you want a chef that has the mindset of, “I can deal with this.  I can go with the flow.”

You want a chef that has empathy from your perspective.  You’re upset the plans changed.  So you need someone who can work with.

The last thing you want is a chef that gives you more stress when you already feel stressed from your party.  You need a chef that’s going to stay calm, have a glass of wine with you, and say, “It’s okay.  Just don’t stress, we are here for you when you are ready.”

A good chef will help the client relax and make it feel like you had an angel for the night.

You want a relationship – not a one-time transactional event

It’s all about relationships.  A chef makes a difference with somebody else lives and cares about the relationship.  You don’t want somebody waiting for the end of the night to get your money.

Here’s how to apply this

To be able to get to know your chef, use some of these questions.

1. What was your favorite event and why? Listen for what the chef likes about his profession.  Listen for passion and examples.  You may also ask about least favorite.
2. What kind of people bug you? Or What stresses you out?
3. How would your friends describe you?
4. Have you ever had a time when you had to deal with personalities that didn’t click with your own? How did you handle it?
5. Do you have a reference I can call? You may not call those references.  But see if they can give you a name in 48 hours.  That means it was easy to find a client that the chef has built a relationship with.

In the end, it’s a gut feeling.  You either click or you don’t.  You either connect or you don’t.  And to me knowing the person in your kitchen serving your food is someone that can make you smile (especially if you need it) is all worth it.

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Starting at age 18, in Portugal, I learned how to fill restaurant tables to rotate a 1,000 people a day.  From there I was a headwaiter on the Royal Caribbean Cruise Lines and then was asked to be the captain’s waiter on Crystal Cruises – an elite cruise line.  There, I learned the high-end service dining style.  Then I owned my own restaurants in Portugal and moved to the front and the back of the kitchen.

Now, when I eat at a restaurant, I really appreciate excellent service and food.  And I’ve got a good sense for when I’m being “sold” to sell certain items on the menu.

So I’m going to let you in on a few secrets about profit margins.

Know the margins

I’m sure you know that alcohol is marked up significantly, anywhere from 80 – 400%.  The cheaper the wine, the higher the markup.  Knowing this, I don’t buy wine that costs more because I’m getting a better “deal.”  I typically like a medium priced wine when in doubt or bring my own Caymus in, pay the corkage fee and tip well.

But did you know that soda is marked up even more?!  A $2.50 soda even with one free refill, only costs the owner about $0.20 MAX.  That’s an 1,150% markup!  That’s why the free refills are offered.  The profit margin is huge!  I think soda sucks to begin with.  But this makes it easier for me to just order plain tap water, which I know my body will thank me for.

Other items that cost less to prepare but are marked up more than a regular entree are the pasta and pizza.  The best values in entrees are seafood and steak.

Don’t even get me started on “The Special of the Day.”  Some chefs use the specials to either:

• Promoting ingredients they want to get rid of, or
• They’re experimenting with a new dish.

For me personally, I don’t mind the latter.  And when I know the chef I get excited.  But if I don’t know the chef, I don’t know for sure which option I’m getting.

So next time you go to a restaurant, 3 tips to remember…

1. Order a medium priced wine.  Or bring your own high-end bottle, pay the corkage fee and tip 20% minimum.
2. Forget the chemical-laced soda and order plain tap water.  In my humble opinion, tap is great.
3. Avoid the pasta, pizza and “The Special of the Day.”  If you’re eating traditional protein, order seafood or steak.

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My wife and I love entertaining.  However, my wife sometimes gets anxious before the party even starts wondering if everything is clean, perfect, just right and if people will have a good time.  During the party, she starts cleaning up and ends up missing some of the fun. Once her 20-something cousin even asked her, “Why are you cleaning and not hanging out with us? You seem stressed out.”  (By the way, my wife gave me permission to share this story if it helps someone). She regrets when she spends more time cleaning than having fun.

I know she can get like this and sense that other people do also.

Your guests will feel your energy.  Therefore, a great host enjoys the party and sets the tone.

The Solution to Enjoy The Party

Instead, take 10 minutes to close your eyes before your guests arrive.  My wife does mini meditations so this is the ideal suggestion for her.  Next time you have a party, visualize yourself:

• Letting things get messy instead of stepping away to clean
• Enjoying your guests (instead of them wondering where you are)

Try it at least one time. I bet you’ll feel better at your next party. If all else fails, have a little glass of wine and enjoy some great music outside.

My wife does mini meditations now before every party.  I enjoy the party more now that she’s calmer.  I swear the guests have an even better time seeing that we aren’t picture perfect and that we love to eat, drink and have a great time!

Question: Which type are you – cleaning as the party goes or cleaning after the party ends?  Share your answer on Facebook or LinkedIn.

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I’m often asked, “How many drinks should I buy for my party?”  Below you’ll find the best party drink calculator guess for 30 people based on my event experiences.

Party Drink Calculator

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